Nihilism is the only thing that gives my life purpose.

Sunday, 19 December 2010

And tonight I`m playing another nambucca show……

Well , I am well and truly on the home straight of my tour , and have found plenty of stuff out about myself, like I have loads of sick shit in my head and society does not want me as a template.
Not do much yesterday 3 days here and am already in a routine, which is get up go for brunch buy phone card, update emails etc , swing in hammock make phone call , do some reading…when the fuck does Fyodor get it, I don`t care anymore who did it , I just want it to happen.( the Karamazov brothers).
The only book left to read after this one is bloody Tolstoy `s War and Peace so not exactly going to get any easier.
Then time for a shower in a bucket, hey I`m saving the environment, get all presentable and head off into town. Few beers bite to eat then few more beers then crawl back to the cave.Wake up and do it all over again.
Tonights entertainment will be the AC beach party, funny really as there is fuck all beach at this time the tides are perpetually high., so if that pans out as I think it will, have every intention of going to the dark side bar and maybe getting some football on the TV.
Have talked to M , circles and going round in springs to mind, theres a bloody book in there somewhere just on that subject, have already had one email about me ranting on about women so will leave it there…….for the moment anyway.
Oh fuck it writing about what you experience is the best therapy
Sorry but the C word is coming out to play again , but remember when life was so simple and the only worry in life was whether you could get home from school to watch dungeons and dragons or not.
Christ , now getting a straight answer from someone is like jacking off after to much cocaine - fucking impossible…am I the only cunt on this earth that says what he wants?????
Getting well and truly fucked off with people I leave the door wide open for …FFS walk thru it or shut the cunting thing, why the fuck do people leave me dangling like Ian Curtis RIP another totally fucking genius of a guy .
How did Bill put it,- never raped any one ,never killed any one ,never hit any one -
Where’s my fucking commercial !!!!!!No doubt will bottle out of posting this - actually no I won`t- it needs saying ,shit like this kept in turns into bile and is cancerous .
Having reread that rant - it is so selfish and unlike me and so unfair on Michelle she totally does not deserve it- I am so sorry babe you may now understand why I waited 3 and a half years,.
Perhaps it’s the real me and I have been living a lie or having a job where I really had to resist my natural urge to jump out of my seat and cut some fuckers throat cause he is talking shit to me , has fucked me up big time.
Or I could just be feeling so sorry for myself, for as not for the first time in my life I want the one I think I can’t have and its driving me fucking insane .And if I am like this now ,what will I be like in two months when the visa runs out ??????
Shit what photo will look good at the top of this blog ?
So having opened my soul up to persecution what next???
Oh I should say Michelle is 36, lives in Brisbane and works in the travel industry she is very funny , intelligent, uber confident ,far to pretty, has a great taste in music and is well and truly inside my head and has lots of mental mates, yeah I know !!!!!
Not sure what scares me most ,going home to Willow Way and feeling trapped or knowing that I will be in the Red Lion on a Friday night and the only thing that will interest me is the decision of whether to ingest cocaine or drop some acid, think it will be the acid.
If it wasn’t for Ruebens ,would sell the house , and fuck off again with the profit !!!
Jesus I have to stop drinking Chang lager.
On a brighter note have designed another two tattoos , so that’s three I need to get done.
What to say about last night, won`t be easy but here goes met up at Sunflower and moved on to sairee bar for food drink and video, down to lotus and realising what music I was about to hear , decided some half time was required and after that I went to bed. WHAT A LIGHTWEIGHT !!!!!!
Still woke up this morning full of beans no hangover or nothing , but think I will stick with chang, as me old mate bob says ’ the times they are a changing’.
Sitting in café trying to leech wifi and making a half arsed effort at it.its more unreliable than the weather which is very reasonable at the moment.
All the best.
Huskar Du and Diane at the moment - strange choice I know, under the circumstances.
Loves with a passion called hate- and what you give is what you get.

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