Nihilism is the only thing that gives my life purpose.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

Well I`m definately going to hell , but I`ll have all the best stories to tell.

So our last day in Boston was to be a walk up to Faneuil place ? up to Harvard and then a trip to Boston’s museum of fine arts.

These were all ticked off the list with the minimum of fuss, however I nearly lost the title of map reader number 1 but recovered nicely to even locate a 2nd hand record shop and a similar book store, don`t think James will let me in one of them again, like a paedophile in a kindergarten.

Husker Du collection now complete, along with Brendan Behan`s complete plays.

Had a bite to eat, but in all fairness was too fucked to go drinking, walked my little legs to stumps I did. So grabbed a six pack and settled down to a film in the room ready for the early start to Vegas baby.

Got to the airport, flew to Houston made the connection just !!!!! and landed in Vegas after 7 hours in two planes, 85 and gorgeous…….. God I missed the sun.

Taxi, and then check in behind a family of northern monkeys……..fucking retards.

Vegas……..where the fuck to start ?????????

Monte Carlo all same old same old as far as hotel concerned…MGM….NYNY all the bloody same, small but luxurious rooms nothing special and no hidden treasures , resort fees… what a crock of shite $22p/n for intermittent WIFI and a small bottle of warm water and no choice in whether to pay it or not….it`s a compulsory charge.

So showered and changed and off to see the Sirens of TI show , had to see it as been to pissed on earlier visits, so killed time until the start and ticked it off the list.

Headed back to the MC, believe we ate Italian which was pretty good and the off to the MC`s `the pub` for a selection of over 200 beers and duelling piano`s……

The beer selection was cool, settled for Mr Adams, although the Chimay special reserve at $750 a bottle was a serious contender ???????

The pianos were crap….bullshit kareoke and audience paying for them to sing a song….you give them $10 for American Pie , 30 seconds later they get offered $15 for something else and its fuck you, here’s Barbara Streisand.

Had a play or two on the slots and an early night ( I think) it is Vegas after all !!!!.

No idea what time we woke up just knew the plan was Walmarts….Gun Store and back to strip for Tylers ipad. Walmarts was a huge success got me new pants , you know the ones that only have leg holes were they are supposed to, and  a snazzy belt. Ended up dragging James away from the 4 litre bottle of Captain Morgans ($22 I think ).

Across the road to the gun place …2 zombie packages please…. Yeah cool the wait is 2.5 hours….errr no thanks.

So back on the bus and returned to the hotel dumped shopping and hit the apple store, got that all sorted. Back to MC and showered etc.

Drafted a few texts as knew would be to pissed later to send them, did fuck knows what and will just keep to the gooey bits.

Ate at the noodle place, crap end of, and armed with $140 , hit the tables, found a great greyhound racing game min bet $1 so place 2x 50cent bets 1st 2nd or 3rd and wait for the free drinks  , which duly arrived and kept on coming so me, J and the cartoon greyhounds got a bit drunk together.

Deciding it was blackjack time split me wad in half found a table and lost the lot inside 10 hands…not good. Had another wander …another table and we were sat with Karim from Canada on his stag night ( who had misplaced all his mates but not his cash, he had 100`s in front of him) and Embarquo and wife from Brazil. We then set off on a journey of discovery , just how far could we abuse the Casino, well 3 changes of dealer and countless blackjack drum rolls , high fives whilst shouting `Pay the table`, Karim cried off skint, me…well I started off with $60 and still had $45 in front of me so leg weary and absolutely knackered and blind drunk we hit the sack, unfortunately for me 30mins later awoke down at reception dressed in my new pants( no holes) and no idea where I was, the sudden reality hit me and it was Munch`s Scream….NOT AGAIN. Well it is Vegas after all and what happens there…….has all been seen before !!!!!!

Having been escorted back to my room with Jamie fast asleep had a crash and woke up at 14-00and decided the pool was the place to hide. Well we hid and blended in well with all the other pasty looking fuckers out there.

Had a bite to eat and decided that a quiet wander up and down strip was called for, this being duly accomplished and again settled down for wanky duelling pianos and a nightcap and an early night only for my bank to ring me at 2 in the morning CUNTS.

Anyway awoke on the Sunday morning to find a place to watch the footy, dressed and turned on telly only to find WBA v GOONERS on……with James jumping straight back in to bed we were set for an lazy morning, him watching the arse and me drinking coffee.

Boy does he get nervous !!!!!!!!

Anyway, with all the excitement of the last minute winner at Etihad we decided to give the zombie another go……………… Neither of us having fired a gun before, it was like having a 12” cock and a bevy of gorgeous ladies just dying for our attention, even forming a daisy chain to await our offerings…not wanting any foreplay and smothering themselves in essential oils ,calling us darling and actually meaning it. Sleeping in the wet patch. Everything. Despite a lifetime of drug abuse it was a better high then anything….well, maybe not cocaine.

So with targets safely tucked into rucksacks headed back to MC for another fuck about, repacked and wondered what the fuck are we to do for 7 hours after checking out on Monday.

Chilled in room for a while and decided I needed a Guinness. So had a meal in the MC first( the buffet……for future reference starving is a tastier alternative…God it was shite.)

But the NFI @NYNY did not let us down …a couple of hours and 5/6 pints later we found a $5 table and I unloaded my   $40 and off we went… well what a miserable experience that was…no I won… just the croupiers were both cunts,however a couple of attractive girlies sat next to me and one thought I looked like Jason Statham, things were beginning to look up, as you can probably guess its been a while since someone gave me a hug and kiss. That was until her mate called the pit boss a black bitch……. Game over for them two. We persevered and I ended up about$25 up.

I think its fair to say Blackjack is not James game despite downloading a blackjack table that gives you advice on what to play according to what you have and what the dealers showing.

We headed back to the MC, and as its now about 2a.m I realise we have to check out soon so off to blag a room extension…this proved easier said than done ….he just would not budge and it was final, if I want to stay it will have to be by paying another nights rate and this would be $120.

That hurt, so hit the roulette, not my game, but was determined to have a go ….1st spin 5….$70 to me a couple later 27 and me again …another couple of spins and 5 again    COME ON !!!!!

That was the room paid for ( ish only won 60 in end…I think).

Off to bed about 3 or 4 not sure of that but woke up with the hangover from hell and that was a gimmee, I  had a very lazy day i.e stayed in bed all day till we checked out at 6ish straight to airport and flew off to San Francisco. Think James had a wander up strip,  you`ll have to ask him.

Have to say that I agree with the barman at the airport….Vegas has changed, when I first arrived they were finding bodies out in the desert every week and you had hookers giving head in the street…now you get a museum showing you holes and guys flicking out cards with phone numbers on. I have no real intention of going back unless to show some friends about and then a couple of days is enough…party for 48 hours and crash…..that would be enough.

San Francisco.

All on time and caught the shuttle to hotel, 2nd drop off and the hotel was the bollocks, small rooms, only 1 bed (Fraser heaven), but they will move us to a twin in the morning.

Went for a drink only to be accosted by what proved to be the first of many pan handlers (beggar`s to you and me).We had come across loads of these on the trip but SF seemed to be the capital of `got 30 cents mateville`. America is struggling ,been here many times but not seen nothing like this literally every block corner has a resident beggar, Boston-LV and now SF, too many people are falling thru the crack and when that happens society here just disowns them, even brought a `Big issue` like rag and had a chat with the seller about it”Obama sucks , but the other guy is worst”   similar to the UK then mate. Gave him my leftover lucky strikes and moved on.

Anyway, an Indian restaurant had a bar and hid in there away from said beggar who did not seem to believe I did not have 30 cents. What a find this was, the barmaid was called Sunny(Thai) and two guys came in who worked next door, then followed 2 hours of copious drinking ,shots and anecdotes, it was a real scream and ended up leaving at 2a.m and crashing. 

James gallantly took the floor and we woke up about 9 ish, showered and let reception know they can move us when ready.

Left Union Square and headed upto Fishermans wharf to book up Alcatraz and to check out the scene, fuck me them hills are a killer, enjoyed the down bit and found a load of great looking bars close to FW, but to far from hotel. Hit FW ,booked tickets for Alcatraz and meandered thru the piers loads to see and do, unlike U.Sq and hit the cable car for a ride back.

Cable car fun first time, then best avoided as really slow and as we found out, a taxi was cheaper anyway.

Got back and went to hotel and they had upgraded us to a double, so top marks to them ( Hotel Fusion). Crossed the road to the Westfield shopping centre and brought fuck all.Into a 2nd hand record store and am now the proud owner of a Dresden Dolls DVD. Back to hotel for a chill and SSS etc followed by a couple of hours of Family Guy.

I think in all honesty we were both fucked by now 12 days on the road had taken its toll, we ate Chinese , went to the local Irish bar a few Guinness and then to same bar as before received a raucous welcome from Sunny and got drunk.

The End.

Woke up late and rushed for cable car to get boat to Alcatraz, it was rammed so got cab which was quicker and cheaper.

Alcatraz was great and interesting but best perceived without the hangover we both had. Went and ate chowder including the bowl which was way the coolest thing we had eaten, back to hotel via CC and web searched a steakhouse as I was becoming very carnivorous. Decided on a local Jazz house and ate there, the jazz was shit, but then I see no point in that music anyway, the steak was ok but just not in the mood for drinking so back to hotel, think a film was watched but just crashed and woke in the morning for a coffee and wait for shuttle back to airport. Which duly arrived and like most American airports SF was shit, maybe its an East coast thing as LA was even shittier.

Got on the plane and the cunting thing was older than me, entertainment centre consisted of 5 films on a loop so when one ended you had to wait for all the other to finish before you could watch another, total bollocks..,… and as for the two fucking dickheads behind us .!!!!!!!!

Talk was like this, why u travelling man,,,,, in a band on tour we play jazz,,,,, o wow I always wanted to be in a blues band  and do UFC me and mates practice all the time are u on FB,,,, no I don`t want fans,,,,,       this anal conversation went on for hours I was praying they would just shut the fuck up,    James wanted them dead along with all their relatives and every fucking cunt they know, I was worried that this might include us as we were sat in front of them, James ensured me this was not the case as we did not really know them….I felt having listened to 2 life stories I could confidently bring up their children for them.

A lack of sleep and eye candy  allowed us land in a totally unstable condition and the trip back home was more about the Wonderstuff then future travels although Uruguay was mentioned as the ante post favourite, popped in to see old mate,s dropped James off at biological`s and slept.

This is really the end, although once online will add some anecdotes esp about Boston being the most openly Gay place I have ever been , I know SF, go figure ,did not see one gay couple in SF , but Boston wow, have to say it made me feel proud to be somewhere that is so tolerant( poor choice of word as nothing wrong at all with it, should not need to be tolerated in this day and age ,but totally accepted) but it was beautiful man.!!!!

Also with hindsight would cut Boston to 3 nights LV to 2/3 and spend 4/5 in SF… so if you are planning a road trip out in the USA …ask James coz I`m shit.



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