If the Beatles had read Hunter.

Be care full what you wish for………

An old garage band favourite of mine once told me of ‘Something I learned today.’

Well my entry would be that Cathy Pacific are fucking slow with the drinks firstly, however that is not my only gripe, in fact it’s not even my biggest gripe.

That would be the fact that a) they serve Bloody Marys with gin FFS and B) seriously don’t fucking try it, it’s awful.

Akin to something you would give someone on their birthday, when the only reason you even bothered to show up was to marvel gloriously at the sight of them vomiting in the street, dishevelled and meaningless in their existence.

 

But I digress as ‘Hatful of Hollow’ is blaring away on the headphones, a few hours into a flight of twelve its dark already and I didn’t bring my watch or a knife, why a knife you may ask, well you tried cooking a meal for two with a bread knife , a truly horrendous thing, a serrated knife is a bit like Reading FC ;pointless. You end up slicing the ends off your fingers and as for the watch well fuck it hope HK is as cheap as they reckon.

See I’ve already waited too long, and all my hope has gone. Told you the Smiths were playing, but that’s another story.

14 days in Oz and I will have no concept of time, which will make a rather nice change to reality.

The plan is to stay soberish on the flight to HK, hit the beers in the 5 hour layover, sleep and wake up fresh and ready to party as I land in Brissy at 23-50, not a good or wise plan especially with the seating arrangements HK bound,  rose between two thorns is how I think Oscar Wilde would put it.

Meal for two, well I can fantasise can’t I…….your fucking right I can.5-0 whitewash can be added to that dream along with a rather tasty trip to Nimben.

So am now probably annoying my two thorns, what with the light on and all, but if that trolley dolly don’t get her facking arse up here soon I swear I’m going kill someone.

Well the drinks arrived, what with me playing it safe and sticking to GnT’s and me bestie next door risking bloody marys.It was a quiet flight only interrupted by the bestie and I ordering each other drinks , a few minutes of chat, then back to the in flight entertainment, which although plentiful was a bit crap to be honest.

She was off to Perth and upon landing what with her 7 hour layover, I suggested a trip to Macau and watch little people, went down like a lead balloon and she conveniently lagged behind and left me to my own devices, which consisted of paying $HK60 for a bottle of beer or two. The 5 hours passed by and was soon in a line heading for Oz,a Doris comes over and enquires as to which Visa I had, Visa I replied all shocked and nervous, only joking says I Visitors; here for the cricket then Mr Scanlon of course is there any other reason for visiting Australia? Inside I was in hysterics, inside she wanted to punch me, repeatedly I have a gift for reading women, seriously I do .

The book was out and a quick film’The Blind Side’ was the best I could find and Ms Bullock is rather fetching in the ‘this team is your family Michael ’speech, well I say fetching ;truth be known I would put it right up there with the last tango in Paris.

After my last run in with the keystone cops, sorry I meant customs officers, decided to tick the Yes I am a criminal box, lights flashing klaxon blaring am sent to the naughty boy queue only to be asked what are you packing? Not sure love it’s been redundant for years, well that’s what I wanted to say…it came out all wrong though, sounded more like Salt,Pepper,coffee and Tea. OK sir go to the exit your good!!!!!

I know can you believe it, not even a peek, maybe they have been sent on a personality training course, something along the lines of ‘Not every body thinks Oz is the greatest place ever,and therefore is not here to corrupt and fill our streets with narcotics.

So there was I awaiting my gallant charge to take me to my new residence, he duly arrived; an Adonis dressed in Yellow, well an Aldershot Fc away strip c2008/2009 season, god bless him. A few beers, internet code and that was me done for the night, 32 hours and am now the other side of the world, chilling with me cup of PG and a rather tasty salad, knocked up all myself, have informed the help that I am nearly out of milk and am awaiting their arrival to entertain me with tales of decadence and tribal Aussie baiting, Lily will be forgiven for being a native, there’s enough red wine dotted around the house with postal notes telling me to help myself, how can I not love these people.

Well that’s it for now, proofreading and posting is all I have on the agenda this afternoon.

Bye Bye for now.

Ian.